January312013

Are you him?

I thought about you a lot today. I thought a lot about who you might be. I thought about how could I possibly love someone more than the one I love right now. Are you him? Because I’ll be honest, I want him to be you. I can’t imagine loving anyone else more deeply. I don’t know if I could ever give this much of my heart to someone else. It seems almost impossible because of the incredible depth that my love runs for him.. for you? Are you him?

As I sit typing this, I am almost hesitant. What if he doesn’t end up to be you, my future husband. And here I am reading this to you like I plan on doing, and all I can say is how much I love him. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have given my whole heart away already. But I have to be honest. I love him deeper, more intensely than I’ve loved or felt towards anyone or anything. I would do absolutely anything for him. I would drive across the country just to scoop up a jar of sand so he could feel it upon his feet. I would capture the winds above the highest mountain just so he could breathe the freshest air. I would swim the deepest oceans, and bring back the bluest water I could find, cupped in my hands, just to splash upon his face to cool himself from the summer’s heat.

That, my future husband, is why I’m apologizing to you today. Because if you aren’t him, a part of my heart will never be available for you. Because it will always and forever reside with him. Whether he acknowledges it or not.

But if you are him, which the little girl inside me is hoping for, my heart pounds for, my soul longs for, my knees tremble for, my eyes blink for, my voice screams for. Then I, your lover, your soulmate, your best friend, your WIFE, will love you to the ends of the earth and beyond. Nothing can keep it, nothing can hold it back. It is fierce. It is strong. IT’S YOURS and yours alone.

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